Top 25 reasons why guys masturbate

  1. To stop the voices.
  2. Because the director feels it enhances the scene and further develops my character.
  3. Because mom's too tired to give me a handjob.
  4. To scare the person next to me on the plane.
  5. Because that is what Mistress Zarri desires and therefore demands.
  6. It doesn't reach my mouth.
  7. It can add a whole new dimension to making shadow puppets.
  8. If I don't, I have a habit of playing with my shit.
  9. Your mom gets off by watching me.
  10. Unfortunately, so does your dad.
  11. Pimples.
  12. It doesn't cost anything and I usually get a prize.
  13. I've always found gloryholes to be too impersonal.
  14. To make my goldfish jealous. Try it.
  15. To passively protest the Magna Carta.
  16. I look cool in front of the mirror when I'm doing it.
  17. I don't like the taste of postage stamps.
  18. I certainly wouldn't make love to a corpse, that would be demented.
  19. I like to pretend that I'm putting gel in my Barbie's hair.
  20. Regis and Kathie Lee.
  21. It makes my balls laugh.
  22. For the taste.
  23. So I can last longer during those once in a blue moon encounters I'm always having with ape-like girls.
  24. Because I'm too big to fit in the crib.
  25. Nothing better to do