Jokes » Lists
- Pass My Shotgun
- Pack My Stuff
- Perpetual Munching Spree
- Puffy Mid Section
- People Make Me Sick
- Provide Me with Sweets
- Pardon My Sobbing
- Pimples May Surface
- Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
- Motorcycles' curves never sag.
- Motorcycles last longer.
- Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
- Motorcycles don't have parents.
- Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
- You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.
- You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
- You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
- You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is _really_ worn.
- If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
- If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
- Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
- Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
- Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
- New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
- When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
- If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
- If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
- If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
- If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
- You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
- You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.
- You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
- You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
- You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
- If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apoligize before you can ride it again.
- You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
- Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
- Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
- Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
- Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
- Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
- You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
- It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
- If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
- You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.
- Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
- Want to race to the station, Sparky?
- I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
- On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
- You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
- Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
- Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
- How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
- Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
- I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunk'in Doughnuts has a 3 for 1 special!
- I've smoked fatter joints than that.
- Ahh, it's cute.
- Who circumcised you?
- Why don't we just cuddle?
- You know they have surgery to fix that.
- It's more fun to look at.
- Make it dance.
- You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
- Can I paint a smiley face on that?
- It looks like a nightcrawler.
- Wow, and your feet are so big.
- My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
- It's OK, we'll work around it.
- Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
- Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
- Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
- Oh no, a flash headache.
- (giggle and point)
- Can I be honest with you?
- My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
- Let me go get my tweezers.
- How sweet, you brought incense.
- This explains your car.
- You must be a growing boy.
- Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
- Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
- Are you one of those pygmies?
- Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
- Ever hear of Clearasil?
- All right, a treasure hunt!
- I didn't know they came that small.
- Why is God punishing you?
- At least this won't take long.
- I never saw one like that before.
- What do you call this?
- But it still works, right?
- Damn I hate baby-sitting.
- It looks so unused.
- Do you take steroids?
- I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
- Maybe it looks better in natural light.
- Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
- Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
- Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
- Aww, it's hiding.
- Are you cold?
- If you get me real drunk first.
- Is that an optical illusion?
- What is that?
- I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
- Were you neutered?
- It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
- Does it come with an air pump?
- So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
- Where are the puppet strings?
- Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
- Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
- Nevermind, why bother.
- It's ok to bleed during play.
- If it's a bad game, you can call a time out.
- Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from.
- There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment.
- You can still play when you get married.
- You can change on the fly.
- Anytime you see an open net, you can go for it.
- If you can't get it up, who cares?
- You can score on all the teams in the league over and over.
- You can pull the goalie without getting yelled at!
- It is broadcast live on TV.
- Everyone can shoot at the same goal.
- You can shoot in the goal and it's a good thing!
- Because of the facemask, nothing can get in your eyes!
- You always know how big the stick is.
- It's legal to play hockey professionally.
- The puck is always hard.
- Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it.
- It lasts a full hour.
- You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
- Your parents cheer when you score.
- Periods only last 20 minutes.
- You can count on it at least twice a week, 4 times a night.
- You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
- A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
- It's an incentive to show up.
- It reduces stress.
- It leads to more honest communications.
- It reduces complaints about low pay.
- It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
- Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
- It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
- It encourages car pooling.
- Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
- It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
- It makes fellow employees look better.
- It makes the Lux-cantine food taste better.
- Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
- Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
- Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
- Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
- It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
- Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.
- Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
- Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
- It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
- The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
- Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
- Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
- Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
- You're reading THIS aren't you?
- You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
- People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
- You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.
- The 4th Division of Paper clips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.
- You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
- No longer content with merely photocopying your butt, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Job interfering with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
- Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
- You can focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
- You fall off the floor...
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
- Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
- At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
- The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and .
- Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
- Roseanne looks good.
- Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
- I'm as jober as a sudge.
- The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
- You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
- COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE YOU HUMP
- BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER
- DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY
- WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT
- DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER
- YOU CANT GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG
- IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT
- IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY COVER YOUR MONKEY
- IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE
- IT WILL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER
- SHE WONT GET SICK IF YOU WRAP YOU DICK
- IF YOU GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT
- WHILE YOUR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS
- WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE
- ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER
- NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
- DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL
- THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION
- WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL
- A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
- NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!
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