Fitness Philosophy

• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 6 - She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is.
• The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
• I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
• I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
• I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
• If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
• I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.