The Shit List
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
The science of categorizing shit has been thouroughly investigated and developed over the year by our shit specialists. Some said you are what you shit. This saying is true because the kind of food you eat really does affect the nature of your shit and your shitting habits. The following is the breakdown types of shits.
- Ghost Shit
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.
- Clean Shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
- Wet Shit
The kind where you wipe your but 50 times and it still feels unwiped. So you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with brown stain.
- Second Wave Shit
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
- Brain-Hemorrhage Through-Your-Nose-Shit or the Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead Shit
The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.
- Richard Simmons Shit
The kind where you shit so much that you lose 30 pounds.
- Corn Shit
- Lincoln Log Shit
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.
- Drinker's Shit
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the treadmarks left on the bottom of the toilet.
- "Gee, I Wish I Could Shit" Shit
It's the kind where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few times.
- Spinal Tap Shit
That's the kind where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.
- Wet Cheeks Shit or the Power Dump
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that you butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
- Liquid Shit
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender anus.
- Mexican Food Shit
A class all its own!!