You Da Man Test

  • In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
    1. Lovemaking
    2. Screwing
    3. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

  • You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
    1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
    2. Your blood-test results
    3. Five tequila slammers

  • You time your orgasm so that:
    1. Your partner climaxes first.
    2. You both climax simultaneously.
    3. You don't miss Match Of The Day.

  • Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    1. Healthy, creative love-play
    2. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to
    3. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.

  • Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
    1. The best part of the experience
    2. The second best part of the experience
    3. $100 extra

  • Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
    1. No concern to you
    2. Not a problem, she can join your gym
    3. A conservative estimate.

  • You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
    1. A myth
    2. An oxymoron
    3. A Moron

  • Foreplay is to sex as:
    1. Appetiser is to entree
    2. Primer is to paint
    3. A long line is to an amusement park ride

  • Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
    1. 'I hope we can still be friends'
    2. 'I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.'
    3. 'Welcome to Dumpsville, population: YOU.'

  • A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    1. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of Intimacy.
    2. Is uptight and a waste of time
    3. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.


  • If you answered '1' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man!!
  • If you answered '2' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
  • If you answered '3' more than 7 times, 'YOU DA MAN!'