Woman bashing jokes

Why did God create woman?
- To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
- The swallow.

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
- Call her.

Why do women fake orgasms?
- Because they think men care.

What is the definition of "making love"
- Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
- Slow down and use a lubricant.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your HOLE weak.

How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
- One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.

Why does the bride always wear white?
- Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
- Nothing, she's been told twice already.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
- Made her chain too long.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
- Marry it!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
- A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
- 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman

Why do hunters make the best lovers?
- Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
- They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
- A man to show her how to work it.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
- They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
- She knows she's given her last blow job.

What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
- A whore sleeps with everyone at the party while a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
- After 10 years the job still sucks.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
- Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called "waist"?
- Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
- When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
- Put a nipple on it.

Why did the woman cross the road?
- What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
- Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

How is a woman like a condom?
- Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick