Once upon a time there lived a man who had a great passion for baked beans. He loved them but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that he would marry her, he thought to himself: "she'll never go for me, carrying on like that", so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans!
Shortly after that they got married.
A few months later on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk home, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered. Before leaving he had three extra large helpings of baked beans. So there he was: farting his way home. By the time he arrived at his house, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed:"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, led him to a chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek and she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiippppp', it sounded like a diesel engine and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He again shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear turned in on the conversation in the hallway and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes.... farting and fanning them each time with his napkin. When he heard his wife hang up, he neatly lay his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled: "Surprise!"
And to his shock and horror there were twelve dinnerguests seated around the table for his surprise birthday-party!