Computers in the movies

Everything I needed to know about computers I learned in the movies.

• Word processors never display a cursor.
• You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
• All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.
• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
• Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
• Corollary you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
• Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.
• All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
• Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
• All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. A skilled technician will bring such a computer back online in minutes.
• People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact upon returning.
• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
• Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
• Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per scond.
• When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
• If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file - and there are no undelete utilities.
• If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
• No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
• The more high-tech the equipment, the more unlabeled buttons it has.
• Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.
• Laptops always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities (through their built-in satellite uplink) and the performance of a CRAY-T3E.
• Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
• Computers NEVER crash during key, high-intensity activities. While operating computers under stress, humans NEVER make mistakes.
• Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.
• Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.