Jokes » Countries

Balance (another one)

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Gabriel the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Gabriel, look what I've made." Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance". "Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a small country in Northern Europe, "What's that one?"

"Ah" said God. "That's Scotland, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams and lochs of exquisite, timeless beauty. The people make a drink called Uisge Beatha or Whiskey which means "The Water of Life". The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard- working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.

Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then "You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to them!"

Japanese Joke

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Japanese men says, "We are all berry hungly."
The waitress says, "So how is wanking off in this restaurant going to help that situation?"
One of the other businessmen replies, "Because menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

German Lesson #7

Chinese Proverbs

• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
• Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
• Crowded elevator smell different to midget.